there is lightning in me still.

Beach below our Casita in Todos Santos.  It was a great trip.  Details forthcoming.

A long windy path of internet, crafty bloggy goodness eventually led me to Two Kitties where I found this fabulous poem.  I felt something in me crack open when I read it.

“Slam them down
I say. Make music of what you can.”

It’s the perfect Carpe Diem message for me today.  I love it.

AGAINST HESITATION

If you stare at it long enough
the mountain becomes unclimbable.
Tally it up. How much time have you spent
waiting for the soup to cool?
Icicles hang from January gutters
only as long as they can. Fingers pause
above piano keys for the chord
that will not form. Slam them down
I say. Make music of what you can.
Some people stop at the wrong corner
and waste a dozen years hoping
for directions. I can’t be them.
Tell every girl I’ve ever known
I’m coming to break her door down,
that my teeth will clench
the simple flower I only knew
not to give . . . Ah, how long did I stand
beneath the eaves believing the storm
would stop? It never did.

And there is lightning in me still.

~Charles Rafferty

Outpost

It’s good to be away.

More bits (for Shannon!)

Shannon requested more random bits. . . links and doo dads I find interesting.  So, here ya go lady:

  • I am still laughing to myself over this podcast.  Spilled Milk is Mollie (yes, of Orangette and A Homemade Life fame) and Matthew (yes of Roots and Grubs and Hungry Monkey fame).  Wow, those two are FUNNY!
  • I want to eat this gingerbread with meyer lemon glaze. (just eat it, not deal with making it. . . anyone feel like baking for me?)
  • I have decided to leave behind the following things while we’re in Mexico:  my diamonds, my kid, my leg hair (THAT took at least an hour of my life), cares, worries, computer, facebook, cellphone.
  • I randomly (okay, it totally wasn’t random, I got bored and Face Book people are all changing their pictures and I got sucked in) decided it would be a good idea to figure out who my doppelgänger is.  I discovered that I, apparently, look like a host of dead and/or old men.  Included:  Fred Astaire, Cary Grant, Art Garfunkel and freakin’ ROSS PEROT!
  • Two friends had their babies 2 days apart.  One named Henry, the other named McHenry.
  • I bought some boots.  I’m not sure if I love them. I have big, strong calves and wide feet. . . not really good boot feet.  (BTW, I had coupon codes that made them much less money than that).
  • My new (thrifted for WAY cheap) favorite everyday shirt.  In black.  I want more, but refuse to pay that much.
  • I want to go to there.  Oh wait.  I am.  In 2 days.  AHHHHHH.

Livin’ Large

A girlfriend and I drove an hour away to hit some new-to-us consignment and thrift stores, have lunch and just relax together.  I ended up with a new shirt.
What?  You don’t do your dishes in your sparkly best?

5. Yes, that’s right. I said 5.

Abby and a good girlfriend of hers turn 5 years old 2 days apart (Feb. 11th and 13th).  So, we’re throwing a big old fashioned joint birthday party for them.  Abby loves pink and Kaitlyn loves orange.  I couldn’t help but make them some twinsie t-shirts for the big day.
I’m pleased with how they turned out.  My first foray into reverse applique.  It went swimmingly.

Bits:

  • Tom and I are taking off for Mexico on Saturday.  Same place as last time, but without the busted up ankle and broken-into car(knocking on every piece of wood I can reach right now).
  • We are putting on a birthday party with 40 invited children 6 days after we get back.  Ahem.  Posting will be light until *that* adventure is over!
  • I cannot stop listening to this song and the rest of them on this album. (Really, could Andrea at Hula Seventy get any cooler. . . most of my good ideas lately have come from her blog).
  • I really want a haircut.  A *good* haircut.
  • I did number 19 on the list.  Will post pictures etc. later.
  • Due to this, number 8 might not happen until after I’m 35.  Boo.
  • Random highlight of the week?  Watching my almost 5 year old lay on her back and read, really read a book to her 4 month old buddy.

Gratuitous Abby Pictures and Videos

I am so totally in love with my kid right now.  She cracks me up.

Click on any of Abby’s Art pictures to see them better.
Top Row L-R:  Crazy Cat,  Abby’s fives. . . ya know, she’ll be five in a few weeks, the Aye-Aye I told you about before.

Bottom:  Another crazy cat, the back side of the Aye Aye picture.  It says, “Abby + Tom mad(e) a eye-eye.”

List progress

Me, working on number 10.  The big black feather boa I was wearing Friday night is not in this picture.  Photo Credit:  Becca Busch

A surprising effect, affect (I hate that one), of making a big ass list of stuff I wanna do before I turn 35 in October is the big ass line of folks that want to do that stuff with me!  I suppose it shouldn’t be too surprising, I made a pretty great list.  You’ll note, however, that not one of you offered to go through my paperwork with me (number 33)!  Ha!

I guess it felt a little overwhelming to have a bunch of folks offer to do items from my list with me because for most of them, I imagined doing them by myself.  It’s such a *me* focused list, I didn’t think about including other people!

So, aside from working on number 10, I’ve also put a dent in numbers 3, 17, 18, 25, 33 and 34.  Though, for all of that forward movement. . . I’m not ready to cross anything off quite yet.

Thanks for your enthusiasm, support and general awesomeness.  It’s obvious that I’ve been struggling this month. . . but really, everything is okay.  My kid just drew me a picture of an aye-aye.  Really.  I didn’t even know those existed.  And, if you can’t get excited about a hand-drawn aye-aye, well, you just don’t get excited.

A little disillusioned and then a little hopeful

Tom, Abby and I made a donation to Kiva as a large part of our holiday gifts last year.  I wrote about it a bit here.  I proudly shared on facebook that we’d picked 4 different people to give loans to and was sent an e-mail from my cousin with a link to this article from the New York Times that outlines how Kiva doesn’t actually send my exact money to the exact people I chose.  My first reaction was to totally be annoyed that my cousin sent me the link. . . I mean, let me live in the dream okay?

Then I moved on to being annoyed with myself for not realizing this to begin with.  I really pride myself on reading the fine print on things like this.  I’m often the one that returns forwarded e-mails with links to articles that debunk the messages.  When I first read that article about how my money did *not*, in fact, go directly to the 4 folks I’d carefully picked out. . . I was pissed.  In fact, those folks had likely already been funded and my money ended up in the large pot of money that Kiva sends out to different micro-lenders, who, in turn, give the money to applicants.  So, my money likely did not even get to the continents I’d spent a fair amount of time choosing.

I’m honestly not sure how I thought my dollars *actually* ended up in the hands of the exact 4 people I’d chosen, but the way Kiva’s website is/was (I see that they’re changing it a bit) set up really made it seem like this was going to be the case.

I think we would have chosen Kiva anyway had we known that we were just making a donation to the general cause they are working for because I really think it’s a great system and plan.  I’m just disappointed that Savoeun Sun from Cambodia didn’t end up with our money. . . I’m sad that our money might have ended up in the hands of the many MANY folks asking for loans so they can sell soda. . . or open a pub.  I’m not necessarily saying that there is anything wrong with either of those enterprises, I just purposely did *NOT* pick those things for our loans.

Now, I am a big fan of giving “unrestricted gifts” to non-profits.  My husband runs a non-profit and I’ve worked for many over the years. I know how hard it can be sometimes to do the work the big grants and restricted donations mandate when you don’t have enough money to pay your staff or get a new computer.  I remember working at one place that got 15 huge, really expensive tents donated to them. . . we totally couldn’t use them.  We took kids backpacking and, as kind as the donation was, what we really needed was a washing machine so we could wash sleeping bags between trips.  I think you see my point here.  Sometimes the best thing we can give is something totally unexpected or seemingly trivial or just money for the organization to use as they see fit.

So, no updates on how my Kiva “recipients” are doing, as that all seems pretty false now.  I will say that I’m still proud of our gift to Kiva.  I think the mission behind their work is amazing and it seems that they are changing the way they portray themselves so people won’t get confused about exactly where their donation money is going.

This whole thing makes me wonder how the heck to best help the people of Haiti.  My goodness, the hoaxes floating around on Twitter and FaceBook?!  Really?  Who makes that crap up?  It makes me so sad.

Amanda Soule, of Soulemama, has some great suggestions for how to help the Haitians, as does Stephanie, the Yarn Harlot.  I’ll add this link to an article in the New York Times that has 9 experts discussing what might be the most effective ways to help during this horrible, awful catastrophe.

I suppose this entire entry boils down to this:  no matter what we do to help people in need, no matter how small it might seem, no matter what it is that we do. . . the action, the *doing* is important.  The money and goods and medical help. . . all of that will be useful over time for the people of Haiti.  I also believe that the energy and thoughts and prayers that are being sent out will help too.  Despite my initial disillusionment, I’m still hopeful that we can all make a difference.

The *other* kind of funk

Nothing a little dancing around the house to parliament can’t fix.  Thanks for the sweet notes and support y’all!

Funk

No. . . not the musical kind. . . the emotional kind.

I’m in a funk.  I’m working on getting out of it.

A long walk by myself, 2 M&M cookies, a hot shower and a nap in this sunspot is a good way to start.

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