Costco better have some damn good soap in their bathroom
Have you ever taken a big gulp of hot tea or coffee and swallowed it down before realizing that it was, in fact, SCALDING HOT? That feeling of a completely scorched and scalded throat is what I’ve been dealing with for the last 8 or 9 days straight. Except, I didn’t even get the pleasure of having a hot drink, nope, not me, just some sort of nasty virus that makes swallowing pretty much a traumatic experience each and every time. You never realize how much you swallow until it feels like a pack of tiny knives running down your throat every time you do it. Ugh.
So, we’ve been back from vacation for almost a week, but I’ve been laying around trying not to swallow. I have a ton of pictures and stuff to share, but for now, you’ll just have to take this little glimpse of my world:
Over the vacation, I cut into my finger right near the knuckle. It hurt like a son of a gun, but it wasn’t a particularly bad wound. However, since it was so close to the knuckle, it was taking forever to heal, so I put it in a splint. I’m telling you this because it somehow might excuse what I’m about to confess to tell you. Abby and I were on our way to Costco on Monday and I was eating Jr. Mints (oh Junior Mints, if I wasn’t already married and you were a man with a well paying job, I’d totally marry you!). At some point, I looked down and saw some melted Junior Mint on my finger and kind of crusted on my wedding ring. I was about to lick it off when a preview of the movie “Baby Mama” ran through my head.
The part I’m thinking of is at about 1:25 min. into it.
At the last second, I smelled it instead of licking it.
Yeah. . . poop, not chocolate.
Now this is gross on so many levels. The thing is that I am a REALLY good hand washer, so this is even that much more mortifying for me. With the splint on my hand, it made it really difficult to wash my hands and. . . and. . . and. . . And before you get too gross I have to say that even though Abby is pretty much potty trained, she still needs my help to get really clean. That said, I STILL am not sure where it came from or how long it was there.
Just another day in the life.
I’ll have a new recipe on Friday.
AAaaaaack!!! Thank you for sharing! I’m still laid up at home 8 days into my cold too, and appreciate the entertainment! If it makes you feel any better, I got all the way home from work the other day before I noticed the mustard-yellow diarrhea droplets all over my tennis shoe – remember the paint splattered look of the early 80′s? That sort of thing, only some stranger’s poop.
I feel inclined to let folks know that Mallow is a nurse. . . hence the poop on her shoes!
Holy poop a noly.. Thank all the bloody stars in the sky that you sniffed it first, cause if you would have licked it, that totally would have ruined your love of junior mints, and that would be wrong on all levels. Gotta love that!
Sorry for laughing here…
And thanks for telling us that Mallow is a nurse. I was imagining all sorts of situation where one could get someone else’s poop on your shoes and none of them really made sense… :rofl:
That story F-in’ rules. (Is it weird at all that I censor my swearing even in my own head, and that I find the “F-word” funnier that way?)
Ooooooh, lordy. Just the other day I was thinking about how it is a real testimony of motherhood to have some sort of bodily fluid on you at all times. Now I understand what women meant when they would say, “It’s ok, I’m a mom.” I cheers your poopy finger with my boogery shirt! J.