Real letter I once left for the housesitter

Just found this on the hard drive and cracked up at myself.  I wrote this 2 years ago, I think:

“Housesitter,

I hope you came to stay.  Here are some details about the house (remember, I was Montessori-ed.  I’m anal that way!).

Food stuff:

Eat whatever.  Be wary. . .smell things and check dates, I think I cleaned out the worst of it.

• Eat the two slightly freezer-burned homemade veggie burgers if you’re inclined.  They look kinda gross, but they are very tasty.  When the ice from the freezer burn part melts into the burger, it makes them delightfully moist. There’s buns in the freezer too.
• Whatever might be left of the bottle of white wine after I drink more tonight is yours.  If I leave any, it will be in the door of the fridge.
• The giant tub of yogurt.  What was I thinking buying that 3 days before we leave for a week.  Goodness.  There’s frozen fruit in the freezer.  You could make SMOOTHIES! You could have a smoothie party.  You could make soft tacos and top them with Yogurt.  Remember, yogurt is full of good stuff to keep you from getting yeast infections.  No one likes yeast infections.  Eat it.  Please?
• Don’t forget there’s a pantry in the laundry room. . .it houses canned goods, dry good, crock pots (yes, there’s more than one), the food processor, old batteries, light bulbs, and a box of dried potatoes from 1999.  I really think they’ve been around that long.  Now I’m embarrassed. . . don’t eat those.  In fact, I think I’ll just get rid of them.  Forget you ever read this sentence.

Random location of things you might not find unless I write it down here:

• Toilet paper:  in the cupboard near the shower.  There’s also a switch for the fan in there.  Oh, and extra towels are there too.
• Sheets/blankets:  Abby’s closet and the closet in the office.  Oh, the office closet also has guitars, board games and old photo albums from my pre-tom life. . .feel free to lurk. . .it might be fun!
• Rags to clean a spill or something: under the sink in the laundry room.
• Keys to the garage/rumpus room:  on the window sill right next to the back door.  Most of my crafty stuff is in the rumpus room.  Sewing machine, serger, random (really great) books that have to do with teaching EE and other youth work.  If you go out the back door, please pull the door shut really hard and make sure it’s actually shut before going to bed or leaving the house, it takes some finesse.

Any compost can go out to the compost bin on the east side of the garage.

If you’re here, could you pull the recycling and garbage cans into our yard from the Alley any time after Tuesday?  It’s no big thing if you’re not around.

The mail has been stopped.

Please make sure the key goes back to its “secret” hiding place because Darek’s coming over Thursday night for TV.

I could write lots more, but really, it’s just a house.  You should see the list I used to leave with babysitters when we left Abby with them.  Funny.

Enjoy and I hope to see you soon!  We’ll be home either Friday or Sat. evening.  Hugs, Carrie”