It’s enough to make you go CRAZY.
A few years ago, I sorta lost it. It was an un-glueing of my mind from the rest of me and it scared the bejeezus outta me and I made my way back again. . . slowly and with the help of a therapist and friends and my wonderful husband.
Since then, I’ve been exceedingly mindful of taking care of my mental health. . . and really aware of when I’m slipping into a depression or funk and proactive to beat it before it hits hard. Hanging onto a thread of control is what keeps me from going completely over the edge. Asking for help and being vulnerable enough to accept help is what gets me through a rough patch.
On New Year’s Day, I was especially cranky with Tom and Abby, unable to multi-task, and had tears brimming all morning. It wasn’t until much later in the day, that I realized I’d hit a wall emotionally that I didn’t even see coming. I sobbed through New Year’s Day. I immediately started with some serious self-care and Tom put together a little spotify mix for me. (Ahem. . . . if I’m not laughing through my depression, well then, it’s VERY serious. . . so I’ll take this all as a sign that I’m not TOO far gone this time!).
The recovery period after the holidays caught me off guard this year. Since we skipped the mayhem of Christmas and all it entails last year, the insanity of travel and family and everything was a little distanced and removed from my memory.
So, I cried on New Year’s Day and then my husband put on loud music and danced until I laughed and then we watched Twin Peaks episodes and Portlandia (which is on Netflix instant now!!!!) and I curled myself into ball and slept hard. Yesterday was a tad better and today the sun is doing it’s thing and shining on my everyday stuff in such a beautiful way.
Jenny (aka The Bloggess) shared the most amazing post yesterday. So brave. So authentic. So real. Though I can’t relate to the second half of her post (the part in italics), the FIRST part is so amazingly spot on that I cried again, but this time it was tears of recognition and hope.
I came a little unglued, and it’s an unnerving way to start a new year, but I’m finding my way out (again) and up (again).
And, as always, the ratio of laughter::tears is still very heavily tipped toward laughter.
Love you carrie- your honesty, humor and compassion. hugs- lina
My mom refers to those walls as “emotional hangovers” and sometimes they’re doozies. {HUG}
Carrie – You are open and honest and have such a big heart, these are things I love about you.
Love you, honey
Carrie – have you tried taking 1000iu of vitamin D3? I was doing light therapy for a few years and then read about women in northern climes having higher rates of depression due to lack of sun and vitamin D levels being low. I starting taking vitamin D3 about two years ago and found that I did not need my light therapy anymore. If you have not tried it- think about it. REALLY made a difference for me. If I miss multiple days of it I feel and it and remember why I am taking it!
Hugs to you – hope the fog stays lifted! Nellie
So sorry I missed this post. This was so raw and honest. Thank you for sharing your authenticity with us all. And…I agree with retrodomestic about the Vitamin D3. There was a winter a few years ago where I spent many a day curled up in a ball…staring at my baby boy not know HOW I was going to get through the day. That doesn’t happen any more. I also take A LOT more than 1000iu a day. :)